You know the saying, "waiting for the other shoe to drop." What happens when you have no shoes? They are completely off your feet. You're barefoot. When can you put them back on? What did I do in this life or the last, that has made present day so jumbled? Yes I know, I am luckier than those kids in Africa, and about three billion other people. But what about those assholes that are insanely RICH and have these great lives? I don't even need to be rich! I just need a regular ole job! Teaching preferred. FOR GOD'S SAKE I WANT TO BE A TEACHER! Doesn't that mean anything? Clearly I need to send some more good energy out in the world. If I can't work, I might as well volunteer. Crap. I need a job bad. I am running low on fume(nd)s.
If life won't throw me a job, how about a boyfriend? Or the in-my-price-range-nice-apartment? How about some serious weight loss? How about a FRIEND!?
Seriously, what did I do?
I hate having to try convincing myself that life will get better. My tunnel is getting so cloudy. I thought Austin, was clearing this shit up. Evidently it is going to take a little more than sunshine.
On another note. I have been walking 4.2 miles of trail everyday. GO ME. And I check out everyone, I feel like a peeping Tom or something. There are some to die for men on the trail. And women for that matter. I'm constantly comparing myself, which truly gets exhausting. I believe if I keep this up, one day someone will compare themselves to me, the way I do to other women. Lucky me...? ANYWAYS
On the trail I see these two things constantly:
I really want to try these shoes. I can't imagine they are comfortable, but there are more and more people (mostly men) wearing them. They look so crazy.
AND THESE. I got this picture from the web... if you look at the little logo on the LEFT, it's obvious they're popular in Austin. I believe I am the ONLY woman in the city that does not own a pair. I'm feeling very left out. I tried some on at Nordstrom, and frankly they are too short for my comfort zone. So because of that I am growing a beautiful mid-thigh tan line. However, I am happy about getting some sun. I think this is the tannest I have been since... Freshman/Sophomore year of college? Maybe even longer.
And I'm going to create a Bucket List. #1 FIND A JOB IN @#$%ING AUSTIN, TEXAS!!
My dearest courtney, I worry about you all the time. I want everything in the world for you, yet I know things seem to always come too hard. I wish I knew why, I wish I could wave a magic wand, I wish. I know you need to make your own way in the world, which is why I encouraged you to move to Texas. We all need to make our own way at some time, I guess. I can only say I love you and am so very proud of you.
ReplyDeleteThanks Mom, I love you too. I'm ready for a little dose of easy, or easier.
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