2012

I'm gonna start that whole 366 pictures deal! So get ready. AND TAI, i have so much more, i'll update soon i promise!

In recent news....

I need to update this more frequently! But I'm so busy/tired slash mostly lazy.

So I now have an apartment in Boise! All the paperwork and such is working its way through. If all goes as planned the apartment will be MINE on Sept. 19th! I'm so excited about the apartment, but getting one costs a bit of money up front. Especially when you add a pooch.

The apartment is a studio. It has a little nook for my bed area, and nice big living room and an awesome deck! The kitchen is pretty big and has a bar, so once I get some stools I'll have my dining room. I can't wait to get in there and spend MORE money. UGH. Here are two pictures.

This is the kitchen (duh). Good size for such a small space. I love it. 

The deck (again duh). To the right of the windows is the little nook area for my bed. Behind me is the living room. And to the back right is the kitchen. The bathroom is on the right when you enter from the outside. I don't know why I decided to take the worst pictures ever. I'll have to try and take some better ones once I'm all in. 

I also want to build this headboard for my bed:

I don't think that's the color I want, but something in that family.

OH I'm planning on running the Vegas half marathon with Amy. I've been training for six days now. And I don't think I've gotten anywhere yet. But it'll happen, I have to keep pushing. This week is really the beginning of training the REAL beginning. I'm following a workout schedule and everything. What I NEED to do is start actually eating the right foods. UGH. I always knew it would eventually come to this. But the only way I'll feel healthy and like running is if my insides are flowing with good healthy juices. Again wah wah. 

I'm EXHAUSTED. That's what happens when you yog in 90 degree heat. And your brain melts, because you should never yog, jog or run in 90 degree heat! Uh, Courtney hello!?

As we requested...

I'm doing such a bad job at updating this thing! I keep going into it and I start typing, but then I have no idea what to talk about.
Tomorrow is my birthday! And I have to wake up at 5:30 in the morning to get ready for camp, where I'll drive to Home Depot/Winco in Eagle, jump in the Y suburbans that will take me to the Horsethief reservoir where the Y camp is. Everyone in the Youth Branch will be going on this little retreat. I think it will be a fun birthday. I am not looking forward to getting up so early though. The camp is just outside of Cascade, ID, if you all are interested you can google it.

Here is a picture of the reservoir itself. The camp is not directly on the lake, but we do have a lake front area.


This weekend I weekend I got my new phone, which is amazing, and hard to believe I got it for my job! I love it.

I also went to Tour de Fat. It's put on my the New Belgian Brewing Company, to promote riding your bike, healthy living, being environmentally friendly and drinking beer. I volunteered, and got a tshirt, two beer tokens and a painful sunburn. It was fun, very weird. The tour goes to a bunch of cities, Fort Collins, Denver, San Francisco and Austin!

I know none of you will believe me, but Boise is a very cool city. I think it might be working its way into the "coolness" of Seattle or Austin. I know, you don't believe me, but when you guys visit, you'll agree.

I haven't found an apartment yet, I'm taking my time, I need to still get adjusted.

I'm not sure what else to talk about, my job is fun and different and a lot of work and not a lot of work at the same time.

I miss my friends and family quite a bit, and my Goose-egg most of all. I had a horrible day dream of him running away, I can't wait to have him back. People in Boise are very friendly and I don't think I'll have too much trouble finding friends. If I can only have one of the things mentioned above, it would be Goose. Sorry friends, you know how much I love that pooch! He's my living, breathing, ball obsessing security blanket. (And my mom misses him to! Hard to believe-- I know) I am glad to have my mom around, she of course makes things easier.

I started watching Mad Men, it's an infuriating series, it's hard to believe women were treated that way. I just finished a book on Auschwitz, that was uplifting. Now I'm going to start the Hunger Games, a ton of kids are reading it, so I have to too. I got to be up on what the kids are doing these days! Haha :-)

Love you all!

New job!

So I went in for paperwork today. If I can do this job, I think it'll be so amazing. I know I can do this job. I'm just terrified. It'll be great and so will I.

On top of getting paid, health insurance, free membership to the Y and paid time off. I also get a BlackBerry! I can't wait to finally have a smartphone! It'll be for work, but still! An actual SMARTPHONE!

I'm so tired today. I slept like an hour last night. The day is still young, and I have so many things to see and do in Boise, but all I want to do is go see a movie or lay in bed! I hate being this sort of tired.

Downtown Boise YMCA

My new job at the Downtown Boise YMCA as the Youth Leadership Coordinator.

I go in on Monday to fill out a bunch of paperwork, and basically sign my life away. I will be starting the job and training on Wednesday or Thursday. I have no idea what kind of training I'll be doing, or what. I'm hoping there is a bit of guidance, because I'm worried that I won't live up to their expectations.

Eventually my job will consist of me creating/designing programs in Drama, Robotic Engineering, Leadership, and many others. I'll then be teaching the programs to instructors who will then in turn teach them to the kids. I will be with kids a lot, but not as much as if I were teaching. I will also be a boss, which is terrifying. I'll be hiring and firing (hopefully not too much firing) people. I'll be organizing schedules and allocating money and other resources. Basically I'm scared out of my pants.


Oh I have a mandatory retreat August 23-25! I'm excited for that.

Gee, If I were a man I'd join the Navy!

I told Amy I'd post about my new job in Boise, and I will. But after I post this blog... after reading her's.

It's Fleet Week. I had NO idea Seattle had one! Last night Angie and I went to a Sounders FC game and there were a TON of sailors walking around. I had no idea that those white polyestered tushes were from all over the country and had arrived yesterday! It was pretty cool.

I also don't think I've ever been to Seafair. And this year I won't be attending either. I almost never go to these fairs. I just happened upon Kla Ha Ya Days and Aquafest this year. Usually I never go. There are just a ton of people and even more people trying to sell a bunch of crap.

I would however like to see the Blue Angels. I have seen them before other places than Seafair.

Also walking around Seattle last night made me think about how much I'm missing out by not living in a city. I'm hoping that I'll be able to find an apartment in downtown Boise, I know Boise's downtown isn't like Seattle's or Austin's, but I think it could be great. We'll just have to see what happens.


(title is a historic reference) ;-)

Now I am all for Pit Bulls. I think they are beautiful dogs that are great pets. I am not all for STUPID Pit Bull owners.

Dear Stupid Pit Bull Owner,

You have a strong dog that if not trained properly can be a danger to itself, other dogs and people. You also have a dog that is eager to learn and devoted to being loved, so: EASY TO TRAIN! This dog also has high energy and like every other dog needs a fenced yard if allowed to roam freely. Also, if you have a group of large dogs, Pit Bulls and Pit Bull mixes, it's best to keep them secure, mostly because many people are fearful of these dogs. You should NOT allow them to go free in your front yard. To begin with they can get hit and killed by a car. For another, Goose and I may be walking on THE OTHER SIDE OF THE STREET. I do NOT appreciate six large dogs racing over to me and my baby, darling, precious little boy. I also do NOT appreciate them attacking him. I would like you to think of me as a Mama Bear. I don't want to kill, but if they harm my boy, I will FREAKING ATTACK LIKE A MAD WOMAN. I don't care how "Sorry" you are. Put your damn dogs on some damn leashes.

Thank you,

From your local Non-Stupid Pet Owner


I hate stupid people.

If you fear you are a stupid Pit Bull Owner, or likely to become one, here are some links so you can be less stupid:

Pit Bulls on the Web: Training
The Proper Pit Bull: Training

It's been too long again.

I guess I was embarrassed or ashamed that I moved back home, so I decided to not write about anything.

But fuck it.

I did move back, and it was the right decision. I would love to find a job in Austin (like a grown up one), it is an amazing city.

But I didn't have the funds, and I wasn't prepared enough.

I'm so stressed from job searching, I'm so stressed and so confused. I have been told it is time to really anchor down and get serious. I am going to make finding a job, my full-time job. No more of this Craigslist business. I have to get organized and get going!

I want to teach, duh. Is it going to happen? Unlikely. So now I need to find something to put on my resume and get paid. I also desperately need to move out of my dad's place. They are great for letting me stay here, but I need my stuff. I still really want to not live in Washington. I keep going back and forth. I love Washington, I love my friends and family. I think the problem is I just need a purpose. A purpose in the form of a flipping job.

I'm also tired of the "it'll come," "it's going to happen," etc., etc. Or even worse, the "did you do this," "have you applied for that?" I know everyone just really cares about me and wants to me succeed, and I appreciate them and love them for it. But frankly, it just stresses me out further (I'm easily stressed).

But hell, it'll come.

When life gives you lemons....

you make lemonade! What happens if you have no sugar? How are you suppose to make those shitty little lemons into anything other than sour condiments!? I did not get the Alaska summer teaching job. NO NO NO of course not. GOD FORBID I actually progress on this fucking planet. OH and to add insult to injury, my iPod stopped working today. The one I use to workout with. Hey why not take away what little motivation I have left. I hate being "woe is me," but woe-fucking-me.

There is a job opening on ATP (Alaska Teacher Placement) for a Social Studies teacher in Sitka. It's pretty far South so it wouldn't be quite as harsh as the rest of Alaska, and it's BEAUTIFUL. That would be pretty amazing to be there. I'm sure it will fold before I have a chance to get my teacher's certification going. Because frankly, that's my luck.

I have applied to about 200 jobs in Washington now. It looks like I'll be going back home. I love Austin, but I have yet to get a full-time job here, and now I'm just wasting away money. I love the weather, it's amazing, it feels like a month-long vacation, but I think it has shown me that I want to be in Washington... I think. Frankly, I'd be willing to move anywhere on the planet if I could just have a job. I will be applying to jobs around the country, like my original plan, for teaching positions. I probably won't get any. And that would be OK, as long as I got some job somewhere, and could substitute teach in the Fall.

However, if I was forced to work in Sitka, AK, I think I could make it:

And according to The Proposal this man is from here:

You know, I could make it work.

I have so many questions though when filling out the application, I really need the help of someone from Central. Or someone at all!!

I feel like I know nothing. Every piece of information ever in my brain has left! It's incredibly frustrating. I don't think there is a Nordstrom in Sitka however, probably not even a Target!! It's an island, a BEAUtiful island. When I was originally looking up places to work/teach in Alaska, my number one choice was Sitka, but I knew it was highly unlikely because it is so small, and the majority of visitors are from Cruise ships. It would be nice though. Hard without the family of course, just like it is now. But Goose would be going with me this time. I'm never leaving without him again! And I'd have a job, so that would be a PLUS.

I miss you Goose-egg.

Alaska?

I just got an email from CWU about an opportunity to teach summer school for three weeks in Alaska! !!!! It's from June 20-July 8. $3700 and travel costs!!! !!!!! It's a remote village in West Alaska. It could be amazing! It seems like 3 weeks is about all I have to give to new places! I hope that won't always be the case. I'd really like to join the Peace Corps one day. I emailed the guy back about the job, and I hope he wants me and OH MY GOD. I'm psyched right now. Actually teach? Like real teaching??? !!!!

Damn you Netflix.

I am a Grey's Anatomy addict now! I found it on Netflix. I always tell myself NOT to watch tv shows on there because I literally turn into an addict, unable to not watch the next show. I HAVE to know what happens next. I think smoking would be a healthier addiction.

I don't think it helps that I miss home, and since they show scenes from Seattle constantly it makes me feel somewhat comforted... sort of. Or just makes me miss it more. Not sure which.

It looks like the job fairy found my address!!

AND one of my roommates came back!

AND her dog will be here!! :-) I'm very excited for that.

Tomorrow I'm looking at apartments with an apartment finder, so hopefully something great pops up and Amy will get her hot ass down here asap.

Job Fairy???

So I am very happy for my cousin Angie and her promotion, and Natalie with her's!! I too would love to get a promotion! Into a job! LOL, Congrats guys, you both truly deserve to be doing something you like! Or at least like more!

I'm ready to feel the job fairy's magical dust!

So both of my roommates are gone. One left two days ago, without telling anyone. I assume she's gone, and not dead in her room... oh God, that is a creepy and unpleasant thing to think and say. She's not, I'm sure. Oh God, now I'm thinking...

Anyways the Russian left today, with her Russian grandparents. She won't be back until after June 3rd. So not too long, but still I'm alone. AGAIN.

She also left dishes in the sink. Truly not a big deal, just slightly thoughtless, I did was her other dishes already. OH WELL. I'm certainly not going to leave them there for three weeks.

The two roommates do NOT get along with each other, which is a bummer. I think if they did, there would be more friend-like, fun stuff going on. Again, oh well. Amy will be moving down here soon enough! And it will be fun fun fun.

AND I will be getting a job, shortly. So I'll meet friends there. Hopefully.

I made that Bucket List. I think it's a pretty good one. It only has 44 things on it right now, which just simply isn't enough. Number one is indeed, about an Austin job, so hopefully I will be able to cross that baby off soon enough.

I went to Java Austin again today, to see if Amy and my buddy was there. He was. I of course said absolutely nothing to him. When did I become so shy? Oh I know, about 20 lbs ago. Speaking of which, I have lost some more weight! Woooot. I'll let you all know when I've reached, "I'm still heavy, but now I'm at least at the weight I was when I joined weight watchers." want want want. No I don't know how to type out the sound I'm looking for. It's like dun dun dun! But mopey, so want want want? No that doesn't look or sound right. But I think I'm conveying the gist.


AND Most of you know I wanted to open up a bar called, "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall," well I still want to open a bar, and now a restaurant! Two in one! And I want it themed. This is the theme:

50's! This is from 50's Prime Time Cafe at MGM Studios in Disney World. I went there when I was a kid and it was so much fun! The waitresses had so much sass, and you couldn't have dessert unless you finished your vegetables. I think it could truly be a hit. Or a horrific miss. But I think if I do it right, it'd be a hit. I thought of plates I'd serve too.

• Mom's Famous "Made With Love" Chocolate Peanut Butter Balls
• Dad's Favorite Blueberry Casserole 
• Grandma's Leftover Turkey Noodle Soup
• Dad's Eggs, Bacon and Extra Crunchy Hashbrowns
• Marsha's Best 8 Layer Salad

Stuff like that. I'd also want some sort of Macaroni and Cheese dish. There would be a whole dessert menu of Mom's stuff. There'd be a bunch more obviously. But I like what I got so far. So if anyone has any ideas, please share them! 

Who wears short shorts?

You know the saying, "waiting for the other shoe to drop." What happens when you have no shoes? They are completely off your feet. You're barefoot. When can you put them back on? What did I do in this life or the last, that has made present day so jumbled? Yes I know, I am luckier than those kids in Africa, and about three billion other people. But what about those assholes that are insanely RICH and have these great lives? I don't even need to be rich! I just need a regular ole job! Teaching preferred. FOR GOD'S SAKE I WANT TO BE A TEACHER! Doesn't that mean anything? Clearly I need to send some more good energy out in the world. If I can't work, I might as well volunteer. Crap. I need a job bad. I am running low on fume(nd)s.
If life won't throw me a job, how about a boyfriend? Or the in-my-price-range-nice-apartment? How about some serious weight loss? How about a FRIEND!?
Seriously, what did I do?
I hate having to try convincing myself that life will get better. My tunnel is getting so cloudy. I thought Austin, was clearing this shit up. Evidently it is going to take a little more than sunshine.


On another note. I have been walking 4.2 miles of trail everyday. GO ME. And I check out everyone, I feel like a peeping Tom or something. There are some to die for men on the trail. And women for that matter. I'm constantly comparing myself, which truly gets exhausting. I believe if I keep this up, one day someone will compare themselves to me, the way I do to other women. Lucky me...? ANYWAYS

On the trail I see these two things constantly:

I really want to try these shoes. I can't imagine they are comfortable, but there are more and more people (mostly men) wearing them. They look so crazy.

AND THESE. I got this picture from the web... if you look at the little logo on the LEFT, it's obvious they're popular in Austin. I believe I am the ONLY woman in the city that does not own a pair. I'm feeling very left out. I tried some on at Nordstrom, and frankly they are too short for my comfort zone. So because of that I am growing a beautiful mid-thigh tan line. However, I am happy about getting some sun. I think this is the tannest I have been since... Freshman/Sophomore year of college? Maybe even longer.

And I'm going to create a Bucket List. #1 FIND A JOB IN @#$%ING AUSTIN, TEXAS!!

@#$%!!!

This is the most depressed since I've been here.

How the %@#&!? am I suppose to get a job, if I'm qualified for nothing. I'm barely qualified to serve food. This is so unbelievable. I'm going to bed, and possibly bawl my eyes out.

I'm so angry right now! The last thing I want to do is talk to ANYONE about my job search.

I hate being told, "Welcome to Life" or "Congrats, you're a grown-up." How is being way over educated and unemployed have anything to do with life or being a grown up? It sure seems to me that every "grown-up" I know has a job! WITH LESS EDUCATION THAN ME. This economy is bull@#$%.

Everything is bigger in Texas.

I need to learn Spanish as soon as possible. Like conversational Spanish. Everyone EVERYONE seems to be Mexican or Hispanic around where I live. And they are all so short! I'm in Midgetland. I have no problem being in Midgetland, they are all so polite and nice, but I need to learn the language. People say immigrants should learn English, because the United States speaks English, this makes sense, and I mostly agree, HOWEVER I feel like I'm no longer in the U.S. and am slightly rude to not know the home language... crazy huh!?

I walked/jogged 4.2 miles today, I am so proud. I have really been working out more than every before. Not like intense workouts, just jogging and walking on the trails, but it doesn't even seem like working out, it just is fun! I have already lost a few pounds. I'm eating alright, not amazing, but better than I was when I was at home. I really believe this could be a turning point in my life. WHICH I AM SO READY/EXCITED FOR!

Who knows, I could lose weight... get a job... make money... find a.... MAN!? I believe! Speaking of which, every time Don't Stop Believing, GLEE edition comes on my iPod I cannot stop... BELIEVING. I'm constantly thinking about how shit is going to happen, and how I'm going to make it happen.

I am so very happy down here. It's really surprising. I think it's the sun. Who knew I was that susceptible to sunlight. "They" say that some PNWesterners have depression because of the weather, clearly I fall in that category. I think... because technically I'm medicated, so it's not 100% that it's the weather. But I think so. I'm getting some sort of natural high from the weather and working out! I've always heard of those endorphin things...

Congress Bridge BATS!

My walk takes me straight through a heavily populated/used dog park, and I have seen so many JRTs! I miss Goose so much! I know when he gets down here he is going to love it! He'll probably be a little porky from being at my Dad's so I'll have to take it slow, so he doesn't have a heart attack from excitement. I'm so excited to have my little man back. I even changed my MacBook background to be a picture of Goose and Ollie. Is it wrong to miss a dog more than people? I don't think so, he's my baby.

Don't worry guys, I miss you all quite a bit too!!!

In no particular order, here are just a couple people/animals I miss.

Mom and Goose

Goose followed here around the yard while she was mowing the lawn because she would stop and throw the ball (which is in his mouth) with the chuck-it (which is sticking out of her back pocket)! 

Dad, the day I left. I miss him. He turns 60 YEARS OLD May 19th!! Hard to believe. 

Samm and the kid, I love you both! 

Me with the most amazing woman on the planet.  

Lets get cuter! I don't think it's possible. Miss you Tai. 

They loved their outfits. 

Natalie, time to come to Texas!

As requested by Angie...

It's about time anyway.

I have not been updating this, mostly because I have been keeping my facebook pretty well stocked with information. But hell, why not.

As you all know, I drove from Lake Stevens, WA to Austin, TX last week. As soon as I got here, I cried, I mean SOBBED. I kept thinking, "God I'm so stupid for doing this. I miss my mommy! I have no friends. I live in a dump. Why do I always jump the gun!" Well not that I don't still have those thoughts, but now I'm not sobbing. I'm still pretty scared of what I'm doing. I'm also figuring out how awesome Austin is. It is truly the Seattle of the South. There are so many tattoo'd people, I'm shocked I'm in Texas. There are hippies, hipsters, college students, etc., etc., everyone but cowboys. Kind of ironic really. I have been made aware that Austin is a real melting pot of people, just as is Seattle. And similar to Washington, once you leave the Austin area you hit conservative-ville (same when you leave... the West side of Washington). This is totally fine, I don't care. Austinites also don't seem to love people from the West coast, mostly Californians, but really who does? I have been asked more than once which Washington I'm from. Dammit I'm from the best one! D.C. had to go and steal our name.... well it didn't really happen that way. ANYWAYS.

From Washington to here I made plenty of pit stops. First at Ellensburg, to Wings! Then to see Sammi and Mallie in Richland. I think I broke Jake's heart when I left. I then made it to my mom's new place in Boise. Her house is pretty cool, and actually Boise is not half bad. However I don't see my mom or Lindell staying in Boise, I was simply shocked they went with that choice. Course I can't believe they're retired. Someone is going to get killed, that's all I'm saying.

From Boise I went to Green River, Utah. And I don't know if you knew this, Utah..oans? Are crazy freaking drivers! All the Mormons live nice and calm lives at home,  and then as soon as they get to the roads, BAM they're nuts! This is my favorite picture I took in Salt Lake City. It's of the Temple. I just think it's great. The Temple is GIGANTIC by the way, and unbelievably Gorgeous.

One of the Mormon, seducers? Was telling me how spiritual this place must have made me feel... I didn't know how to quite put it that it didn't at all, not even slightly. It made me think of how historical and beautiful it was, but no, I didn't not feel God in Temple Square. This is where I did:

Moab, Utah. I got to the park at 7am, and was pretty much the only person there. It was so quiet, and clear, cold and crisp. I couldn't help but feel something more than just rocks. The park was somehow romantic. I hope to camp and hike around there one day.

I then went through Colorado and New Mexico. New Mexico pretty much freaked me out. At least the Northeast part, which is Navajo Nation. This area freaked me out because first it was desolate, dirty and depressing (A+ for alliteration). The homes were shacks, there were few resources like grocery stores and gas stations. Tons of construction work. And tons of people on the sides of the roads hitchhiking. I kept thinking, this will be where my car breaks, down this will be where something bad happens. I felt incredibly sorry and guilty all at the same time. I knew what had happened historically, but seeing it first hand was difficult. But that's half the point of moving around and visiting places. To see history first hand, to see what happened because of past events. In that aspect it was amazing.

West Texas was flat and filled with oil rigs, windmills and ranches. I would not like to live in Abilene, ugh. Austin is BEAutiful.

Austin is green, sort of hilly and warm, well hot. I however live in a college living area with two girls that don't seem to like each other. I'm just here for the ride.

There is a clear divide in Austin. West of I-35 is white world. East is non-white. I mean a clear divide, it's creepy. I live in East Austin. I'm from Washington. It's not like we're a real mixed lot. I really have no problem living in a minority area, my problem comes from how Austin seemed to forget or not care about East of I-35. My problem is that I hear sirens every night. My problem is that I think I saw a drug exchange in the park. My problem is that I'm an ignorant white girl from Washington.

I travel to West Austin every morning to exercise around Lady Bird Lake. Amazing trails all throughout the area. I'm going to be skinny one day if it kills me!

This is the view from my workout start point. Pretty sweet huh? It's super hot, but I think I'm getting used to it. I worked out in 90 degree heat today. Granted I was pretty exhausted by the end, but it was still great.

I really am proud that I'm doing this. I'm a little shocked that had the cajones to do it. As I listened to Glee's, "Don't Stop Believing" (I know, judge away) today I kept thinking, this is finally my time, I'm going to find a great job, I'm going to be happy, I'm going to lose weight, hell I might even meet Mr. Right Now. Yeah you heard me, I don't want anything serious. I want to feel awesome about the new bod I'm creating and turn a Carrie Bradshaw, or maybe even a Samantha Jones! Look out world, Austin, I'm here!

Oh and I miss Goose so bad! There are so many terrific dog parks here, and I know when I get him back he is going to be fat, and in desperate need of some exercise!

Haha, what a cutie.

Engagement... Marriage... Babies... Real Housewives!

I CANNOT BELIEVE how many tv shows are about getting married, finding the dress, having a baby, buying a home. AHHH I know they aren't directly saying, "Courtney, you single loser." BUT God, I feel sort of like they are. Yes I'm single. No prospects, no babies, no houses, no wedding dresses. AND THATS OK! I don't have to be married by now! But why can't there be a tv show about something other than being with the man of your dreams and starting a family!!!

....in rich people's homes.

ALSO, I have been going through all of my CDs so I can get rid of the stuff that I don't want. I have to admit, my taste in music sucked when I was a teenager! Oh my it is embarrassing. No the creators of that music should be embarrassed! Oh God, and Something Corporate, I freaking loved that band-- THEY SUCK! 90s music, that is when music was so good! Other than the 60s of course. But the 90s oh God that stuff is so freaking amazing.

I finally watched Dirty Dancing last night! It was fantastic! No wonder everyone seems to love it. I honestly feel like watching it again.

But I probably won't.

I have so much to do, and all the time in the world, and I don't want to do any of it!! I have to sort through my entire life, and pack it all up and then figure out where I'm living in a month. There seems to be a good chance that I'll be moving to Boise. I really don't know. I do know I need to make some serious changes is in my life.

God, I have so much crap!

SO I know it has beed awhile but here is a brief and quick update:

Today I found out I have a cavity, and am getting it filled Wednesday :-(, I have a class I need to retake or get the teacher to change the grade from a C- to a C (I emailed the teacher, I'm praying she just changes the damn grade), I passed Student Teaching (YAY!!!). So 2 bad, one great. If I have to retake that class, I won't be able to teach until it's finished. Not a huge deal because I can retake it this quarter. I would like to not have to retake it for obvious reasons. I have been in school for six years, without a Master's degree. That is incredibly depressing.

In about a month I will be homeless, which is very shitty. I keep trying to work things out for apartment, but they seem to be falling through left and right. I really just want to move out of the state and get away. Optimally I'd like to get a job in Las Vegas, and move to Spring Valley, NV. It is west of Las Vegas, butted up to the hills, half hour from the strip. It would be fantastic, so sunny and warm. I'd love to convince Natalie to come with me, but that is getting more and more difficult, understandably so.

I need some sort of change, preferably one that involves me making my own money.

I'm glad to be done with student teaching, it was incredibly stressful, and less than fun on some days. But I'm going to miss those kids so much. On my last day I got many cards, a gift and lots of hugs. It felt amazing. I positively impacted some of those kids! I'm so glad I passed. God I was worried. Yet another thing to worry about now. Fuck, I need to catch a break.

ON the upside

I've lost seven pounds! In like 3-4 weeks, without changing my diet or moving. Stress can really eat away at you!

I feel sick to my stomach.

I think there is a real chance I may not pass the student teaching. I have gotten next to zero positive feedback from my CT or university supervisor. It will literally be the end of the world if I do not pass this. Like jump off a bridge and forget it all end. God, I am so petrified. Even if I don't get a teaching job, I need to pass this. Oh God what if I don't. Fuck what if I don't? I feel like I could puke at any moment, and my shoulders and neck hurt so bad, as if I have been caring around a fifty lb. bar on my back. Dear God, please let me pass. Please let me pass. Please certify me to be a teacher. Please. 

I know, I know, I know!

It's been way too long since my last post. But I have just been ridiculously busy, and really have had no urge to put anything on here. Things are ok. I am excited for the end of Student Teaching. My mom's house in Boise, ID is officially bought. Which means, who knows where I am going. Oscars was laaaaame tonight. Ugh, I hate waking up at 5:30. It's a nightmare.

Cannibalism

Donner Party tomorrow.

University Supervisor is coming back tomorrow.

So I didn't exactly ride in on a broom. Or stay on a "broom." I keep going back and forth with my punishments. AHH I just can't seem to stay consistent. My university supervisor also thinks I'm WAY behind and should actually take this time to do a practicum and re-do the student teaching later on. I basically wanted to tell him to go eff himself. YEAH RIGHT am I going to re-do the student teaching. I am not that far behind. I certainly have lots of room to grow. It's just discouraging and stressful. I'll be fine. I'll show that porker what I can do.

PS.

So far, 6th graders ROCK! They listen, they respect, they answer questions, they ask questions. AND I got to read a children's book to them today!! Mostly because they are learning about voice, still they loved it.

In 8th grade we're working on Tall Tales, you know like Paul Bunyan. It's like pulling fucking teeth. All teeth, every single one in your head... and the wisdom teeth too.

I should have counted how many times I was interrupted today by the 8th graders. They are all talking to each other. And I keep giving them "warnings." Tomorrow I'm flying in on a broom. I'm going to be busting out steps every other second. Bitches beware. The witch is in.

I realize this is Snow White's evil step-mother, which clearly I'm not married. But I thought it was appropriate because she's evil and has apples... get it (A.Franke, :-))?

Why!? Did Lewis and Clark name their dog Seaman? That is so inconvenient when you're trying to teach 8th graders.

Girl, get bloggin'

So I haven't been keeping up on this like I wanted to. So I'll do a little summary....

I am not enjoying student teaching. The majority of my time is spent on trying to get the students to pay attention and stop talking. It is simply exhausting and stressful. I hate the classroom management aspect of teaching. I did not expect the students to be little angels, but I expected more than what I'm getting. I am told I am weak in classroom management, which I probably am, but I'm beginning to think, neither of us have any control over the students. I am so tired of threatening them with staying in at break or lunch, and putting them on steps. I'd really love to just get a switch and start beating them. But since that's probably not okay, I won't be doing that. I really like the majority of the students individually, but once you put them all together it is like being put in one of Dante's nine circles of hell! I am incredibly worried that this is not for me, however I am trying to remember that maybe once I have my own classroom that starts in September it'll be easier and better.

As of now I am just tired, headachy and stressed. I seriously need a massage or something soothing!

ALSO I am no longer teaching Health, evidently some of the students did not want me to, because they would be embarrassed to talk in front of me... but not in front of their peers? Who am I going to judge? I mean really.
So now I have a 6TH GRADE HUMANITIES class 6th period. This is NOT what I want to be teaching. I really think I'm going to need to get my master's and Ph.D so that I can teach in a community college or university. My love is for history, not convincing kids they need to shut up and learn. 


Tomorrow my CT is gone, so I will be teaching first and second blocks. I'm half dreading it and half excited for it. One student, who I am going to call He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named (they have a few things in common... trust me) is going to make the class incredibly difficult, I just know it. He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was "great" today and yesterday, so I know he's going to make things impossible tomorrow. He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is one of those kids who thinks he's a gangster... in Monroe... and all the other students love him, I suppose his Death Eaters (ok I'll stop)... And the girls think he is fantastic. Of course, starting early with the bad boy syndrome. There is this new shoe on A&E called "Scared Straight," this student should definitely be on that show. The worst part, this kid is really smart, and since he is so smart he is also very manipulative, and since I basically know nothing... I get manipulated, which sucks.

Speaking of Death Eaters and He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, I am going to the Harry Potter Exhibition with my mom on Sunday, we're very excited... well I'm excited.

On Saturday, I am going to my first roller derby practice! I am not necessarily joining anything, but Jet City Rollergirls (http://www.jetcityrollergirls.com/) in Everett have open learning sessions every weekend, and then women can choose to join the league. I am pretty excited. I'm pretty much just psyched for this whole weekend.

AND on Thursday I'm suppose to be getting my happy lamp, again exciting.

Stuff

This week was interesting. My CT and I are getting along better, which is great. Starting tomorrow I will also be in a 6th grade Humanities classroom. The kids are a pain, and I hate the Make Your Day program. I don't know if teaching is what I want to do. I want to teach, not convince kids to shut up and listen. I want them to want to learn. If I don't teach what else would I do? My dad talked about me bartending to fall back on. Super. Honestly I don't know if anything would make me happy at this point. So I have no idea what's going to happen. This weekend I did nothing except watch LOST. Which I'm incredibly tired of. I don't care what happens in their exciting lives. I'd like my own exciting life! But I don't know how to do that. Wha wha, I know.

Yesterday I had my first university supervisor visit. He watched me fumble and get walked all over by the students. And then watch me cry... twice! Not during class.

I've been watching LOST nonstop. Just discovered it on Netflix.

Haven't worked out, in forever.

Ugh. So tired, and beat, and unhappy!

DRRRRRRRUNK!

I can't believe  Chriss is getting married tomorrow. Super sad to be single, super excited for her, super bummed I'm not in the wedding. UGH. Super excited to see N. West and A. Franke. Lol No idea.

A very depressing day.
I am incapable of doing anything. No work out. Excessive eating. I have a done of work to do.
All I've been doing is watching movies. I'm on my third. I wish I weren't like this. And I have no idea how to change it.

Girls. Part 2.

My age girls. Shiiiiiiit. Some are so stupid!

I of course did not work out. I kept trying to convince myself to go to the gym or take Goose on a walk, and then kept giving myself reasons/excuses not to. I hate what I do to myself.

SNOW DAY!!

I'm excited to go back to bed! This is the plus to being a teacher. Snow days, Holidays, only working a little over 180 days a year! Although for me the bad part has been waking up early and on time. This morning of course I'm awake. I'm sure it will be easy to fall back asleep, but still, it figures. Today will be homework, sleeping in and working out! 

Day 1, Week 2

I went to the Y this morning!!! That's right! At 5am, I went swimming, it felt great. Now I'm of course exhausted. 

Today at school my university supervisor stopped by and discussed my student teaching with my cooperating teacher and the school principal. This is not going to be easy. I'm still a little confused. I'm hoping all the bumps will iron themselves out as the days and weeks progress. I do have to teach something for a half hour on January 24 in front of the US. That's going to be intimidating!! 

The kids thus far are great. I get a little bored when I'm just watching my CT. But today I got in front of the kids, instructed them on their writing prompt and then discussed the events that happened Saturday in Arizona. We discussed the 1st and 2nd Amendments in relation to what happened. The freedom of assembly, and the right to bare arms. Then they were to write what they thought about 18 year olds be able to own shotguns/rifles. A few thought they should be able to own them earlier than 18, one student said 5th graders should be able to!! I was surprised how many students thought most 18 year olds were not mature enough to own guns. Anyways, I instructed them during that time. 

I'm watching the DUCKS game, and soon going to go to bed, before it ends! So GO DUCKS!!

I love Jersey Shore.

and TGIF, tomorrow. I'll have more to post this weekend, about this last week.

I took Goose on a nice walk after work, and then ate breakfast for dinner and cheez-its and ice cream! UGH. I never allow myself to get ahead. F.

Day 2...

...And I'm exhausted. I know there was a bunch of things I wanted to write about, but frankly, I want to go to bed instead!

OH!!! I GOT MY OWN DESK! I bought a dog frame so I can put a picture of Goose in and put it on my desk!

Middle School kids are ridiculous, no wonder everyone thinks Middle School teachers are saints! Eeesh. My CT sure is.

One of the students had on jeans that I own... it made me reconsider my wardrobe.

I need to workout, but I am so damn tired. I'm going to bed realllly early. I'm walking Goose tomorrow when I get home.

YMCA?

Could I make it to the Y tomorrow at 5am?? Ugh... I should. I definitely should.

First Day as a Student Teacher

Today has been fairly exciting. I had a meeting with my advisor (3rd advisor) at Edmonds Community College to discuss ST.

After getting out of there 45 minutes behind schedule, I was starving! So I hauled balls to somewhere to eat, for whatever reason I chose McDonalds, and had something gross that I'm sure was millions of calories. But since I was soooo hungry and I ate the food so fast I went to Starbucks too and got dessert. I didn't eat it all, but dang. Tomorrow I'm packing my lunch. AND speaking of which I just remembered I wanted to buy carrots tonight, which I forgot.

Once I finally got to my Middle School, I got to talk with my cooperating teacher, who is great. She is such a tiny little woman, I can't believe she's been a middle school teacher for the better part of a decade. She is excited to have me, and excited to help me learn how to be a teacher.

I also met with the principal, she seems great! I can't believe I met with the principal the first day! I hope I can keep a good relationship up with her so that she can give me a killer recommendation. My advisor told us today that there are four most important people in the school, obviously my cooperating teacher and the principal. The others are the office secretary and the school janitor. I have met with all of them today! I felt incredibly accomplished.

AND the janitor asked if I wanted my own desk brought into the classroom! I told him I wasn't sure, mostly because I was in disbelief that that was actually an option. Later I told my CT (cooperating teacher) that if it was okay with her, I'd love to have one. So I may be getting my own teacher's desk! Ahhh!

As I was watching the students stand in front of the school waiting for their buses I kept thinking that it was only 10 years ago that I was in 8th grade. It's crazy to think about. And what's even crazier is that my 8th grade history teacher, Mr. Simicich was the teacher who really impacted me through history. And the coolest unit I remember him doing was the unit on the Civil War. He brought in all sorts of things from that era and now, I will be starting full time teaching with the Civil War unit. It's kind of exciting!

AND I'm teaching US History, Literature and Health! Should be interesting.

2011

Today is January 1, 2011, or 1-1-11. I can't stand this holiday, or I should say yesterday's holiday. I hate having to feel like I should be one half of a couple to really bring in the New Year properly. Instead I went to 1st Street in Snohomish, which was laaaaaame. Booo Happy New Year!

I have a couple NY resolutions, the first is obviously to lose weight, the second is to feel fantastic about myself and the third is too hot to actually be posted. But a third exists and I know what it is, and that's all that matters.

1-1-11 has been pretty lame so far, although, not bad. I sat around doing absolutely nothing today. Except to leave around 5pm to go to Safeway to get some Blood Orange Sorbet and three DVDs, all of which I watched/watching tonight.

Tomorrow I need to figure out what is suppose to be happening for this upcoming week and my student teaching. But of course I have not heard from any of my advisors about anything regarding ST in the last two weeks. So I have NO idea what is going on, or when or where. It's awesome. I emailed Frank, a rude-ish letter asking him what the hell is going on, without the expletives of course. I told him I thought I would be getting help from my advisors regarding ST. Hopefully he feels like a douche and cries about it. But since that is unlikely, it would work for me, if he'd just respond tonight or early tomorrow. Now granted I have not been very active in figuring out what's going on next week, but it was my break! And I was thinking that if my advisors didn't seem bothered, neither should I. I now think I was just lying to myself about being lazy and procrastinating as usual.

I wish I could be excited for the New Year. But I'm not. I just hope it doesn't suck like 2010 did. I'd love to say 2011 is the best year thus far!!! How could I make that happen?? Lose weight, feel great about my body. Get a job while ST or immediately after. And then get a real teaching job somewhere, and then MOVE. AND THEN, possibly a boyfriend. Oh I'd like that. That could make it a very very good year.

ALSO, my mom gave me $100 for the week (she's in Orlando, FL), so that means I have to workout for 10 hours this week. Get to it girl.